He vs. She

Here are more "cut and pasted" collections... :-)
-----
How The Company Views Its Employees

The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.

HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal.
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.

HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.

HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.

HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.

The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticized HER.
She'll be very upset.

HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?

HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.

HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.

HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?

HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognize a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.

-----

ADVICE FOR WOMEN

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander -- it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.