Thursday, February 07, 2008

ACRONYMS

Here is a collection of acronyms circa 1980's. Hanggang ngayon ay buhay pa :-P

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ANTARTICA - Always Never Target A Rat The Ipis Cares Also
BURMA – Between Us, Remember Me Always
CANADA - Cute And Naughty Action that Developed into Attraction (Ah! Sablay!)
CHINA – Come Here I Need Affection
EGYPT – Everything’s Great, You Pretty Thing
FRANCE – Friendships Remain And Never Can End
JAPAN
- Just Always Pray at Night
ITALY - I Trust And Love You
HOLLAND - Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies
INDIA - I Nearly Died In Adoration
KENYA - Keep Everything Nice, Yet Attractive
KOREA - Keep Optimistism Regardless of Every Adversity
(sablay!)
NEPAL - Never Ever Part As Lovers
RUSSIA - Romance Under the Sky & Stars is Intimate Always (sablay na naman!)
THAILAND - Totally Happy Always In Love And Never Dull
LIBYA – Love Is Beautiful, You Also or Love is Beautiful, Ya!

PERU – Phorget Everyone, Remember Us (pinilit!)
ROME – Remember Our Merienda – Espagetti (ayos!)

YEMEN – Yugyugan Every Morning, Every Night

SYDNEY - Sheeeet! Your Dick Needs Erection. Yahoo! (From Jericho Lasito)


BALIWAG – Beauty And Love I Will Always Give
CEBU
- Change Everything... But Us.
IMUS – I Miss U, Sweetheart
MANILA
- May All Nights Inspire Love Always.
MALABON - May A Lasting Affair Be Ours Now
PASIG - Please Always Say I'm Gorgeous.
TONDO - Tonight's Our Night,Dearest One.
PASAY - Pretty And Sexy Are You
PARAÑAQUE – Please Always Remain Adorable, Nice And Quiet Under Ecstacy

PHILIPPINES – Pumping Hot, I Love It! Please, Please I Need Erotic Simulation

ORTIGAS - Oh, Remember To Insert Gently And Smile (From Jericho Lasito)


MARLBORO - Men Always Remember Love Because Of Romance Only..
YAMAHA - You Are My Angel! Happy Anniversary!

Unfaithful

Hehehe... jokes pa din to. As usual, cut-and-pasted from some e-mails....

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The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted,they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.

The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outsideand rub them in the grass and dirt.He put on his shoes and drove home.

"Where have you been?" his wife demanded."I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with mysecretary. We had sex all afternoon."

"You lying bastard, I saw your shoes, You've been playing golf!"

The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been foolingaround behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part he had everseen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow youto be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity." So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home.

"I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife,opening his briefcase.

"My God!" the wife exclaimed, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband openingthe front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder."Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue." she replied. "The Smith's bought one and I liked itso much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing."

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.

"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."

"One Cent?" the man thought. He glanced at the menu ! and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steakand a bottle of wine?"

"A nickel," the barman replied.

"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"

The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."

The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"

The bartender replied, "The same thing I'm doing to his business downhere."

The 6th Affair

John was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly, "I have something I must confess."

"There's no need to," his wife replied.

"No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister,your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"

"I know, I know," she replied. "Now just rest and let the poison work."

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Jokes pa rin...

Wala pa talaga akong maisulat na matino kaya puro cut-and-paste pa lang. Ubusin ko lang tong mga collections dito sa net and babalik na tayo straight-forward blogging :-)

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MGA NAGBABAGANG ULO NG MGA BALITA!

Dalawang kalbo, nagsabunutan..
Bulag nakapatay, nagdilim ang paningin..
Tindera ng suka, tinoyo..
Mga basurero nagsampa ng kaso, binasura..
Dahil may reklamo, mga bingi nag-noise barrage..
Misis ng photographer, nakunan..
Kaso ng pilay, nilalakad..
Invisible man, nagpakita..
Labandera nagkamali, sinabon..
Janitor sumali sa Basketball, nilampaso..
Paco binaha, kinalawang..
Dahil lagi raw tulog, Guwardiya binantayan..
Bangkay, natagpuang patay!..

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Nihonggo 101?

Manok = sekken
Mamaya = sakana
Joke = biru
Cook = giza-giza
Ayos = Furo oke
Small pieces of cloth = retasu
Cornfield = mais-san
Hindi masyado = natsu
Ipagpaumanhin = kamisori
You can have it = sayonato
I give up = sukonako
Ouch = haraiku
Is this your car? = otomoto?
This is my car = otokoto
Speechless = wasabe
Are you playing the guitar? = gigitaraka?
You haven’t washed your face = mimuta matamo
Your so skinny = kitanabutomo
Bola = Mikasa
Pencil = Mongol (Mongolian ito! hehe)

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REAL MEANING

Antibodies = against everyone
Bacteria = back door of the cafeteria
Benign = what you be after you be eight
Bowels = letters like A, E, I, O, or U
Cardiology = advance study of pusoy and tong-its
Cat Scan = searching for one's lost kitty
Cauterize = made eye contact with her
Artery = study of paintings
Enema = not a friend
Genes = blue denim slacks
Caesarian Section = district in Rome
Labor Pains = hurt at work
Organ transplant = what u do 2 ur piano when u move
Nitrate = cheaper than day rate
Protein = in favor of young people
Tablet = a small table
Terminal Illness = getting sick at the airport
Tumor = an extra pair
Urine = opposite of "you're out"

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MGA SABLAY NA HIRIT

“It’s a no-win-win situation”
“Burn the bridge when you get there”
“Mute and academic”
“Take things first at a time”
“You’re barking at the wrong dog”
“You want to have your cake and bake it too”
“So far, so good, so far”
“Time is of the elements”
“For all intense and purposes”
“My answers have been prayered”
“It’s as brand as new”
“What’s your next class before this?”
“For a while, please hang yourself..”
“You, ur not a boy anymore!..ur a man anymore!”
"The more, the manier.."
"Come, let's join us.."
"The sky is the langit.."
"Don't touch me not.."
"I always go there sometimes.."
"Give him the benefit of the daw.."

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SALAWIKAIN

Eto ay mga cut-and-paste mula sa mga e-mails ng mula sa mga taong walang ginagawa sa office kundi ang mag-forward ng mga e-mails ... :-)

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Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard.

Better late than pregnant.

Better late than later....

Pag may tyaga.. goodluck.

Ang sakit ng kalingkingan, kailangan ng alaxan. (MPacquiao: Alaxan If-Ar!)

Behind the clouds are the other clouds.

Aanhin pa ang damo.. kung bato na ang uso!

It's better to cheat than to repeat!

Do unto others... then run!!!

Pag di ukol, di bubukol...siya ay baog!

Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.

Magbiro ka na sa lasing, Magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, 'wag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.

When all else fails, follow instructions.

Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumaki sa ibang bansa.

To err is human, to errs is humans.

Ang taong nagigipit...sa bumbay kumakapit.

Pag may usok...may nag-iihaw.

Dont judge the book by its cover... if u are not a judge or else you will cover the book!

Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin... may utang.

No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.

Birds of the same feather that prays together... stays together.

Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.

Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.

Pag may isinuksok, may ipuputok.

Pag may isinuksok, isuksok mo pa, harder!

Kung may isinuksok, may mabubuntis!

Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.

Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan .... ay may stiff neck.

Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.

Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin. (Hmm.. di kaya dapat... Late pa rin!)

Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment. (Yan!)

Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.

Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.

Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!

Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.

No man is an island because time is gold.

Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto.. muta lang yan.

Kapag ang puno mabunga...mataba ang lupa!

When it rains...it floods.

Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon .. mauubusan din ng kandila.

Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw minsan nasa... vulcanizing shop.

Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan... sapul.

Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.

Ako ang nagsaing... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.

Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.

If you can't beat them, shoot them.

An apple a day.. is too expensive.

An apple a day, makes seven apples a week. (365 apples a year kapag hindi leap year!)

An apple a day cannot be an orange a week.

Natuto kang lumandi, magtiis ka sa hapdi.

Nasa kama ang sarap, nasa ospital ang hirap.

Kapag libog ang pinairal, sira ang pag-aaral.

Walang pangit-pangit sa titing galit.

Walang pinsan-pinsan sa titing tulisan.

Pangit man at maliit sa paningin, nakakabuntis pa rin.

Masikip man sa unang tikim, luluwag at luluwag din.

Aanhin mo ang gwapo, kung malandi pa sa 'yo

Walang matinong lalaki, sa malanding kumpare

Wala nang hihigit pa sa malansang isda, kungdi ang isang baklang balahura

Sa hinaba haba ng prosisyon, bading din pala ang iyong karelasyon

Ang tumatakbo ng matulin, may gwapo ng hahabulin

Matalino man daw ang bading, napeperahan pa rin

Aanhin mo naman ang condom kung pareho naman kayong bottom