Desperate students during exams...

Here are some pictures of exams by desperate student. Cut-and pasted from e-mail exchanges. Funny... :-)

Question: (4) How would you verify that the mutants identified in your screen are true loss of function jaw-D mutations? (2 marks)

Answer: Use the radioactive doze! (See mutant ninja drawing hehe)

Problem: The water of the earth's ocean stores lots of heat. An engineer designed an ocean liner that would extract heat from the ocean's water at Th = 10degrees C (283K) and reject heat to the atmosphere at T1 = 20degrees C (293 K). He thought he had a good idea, but his boss fired him. Explain.

Answer: Because he slept with his boss' wife!

Question 31. (8pts) Suppose you set out to determine if Xo cats are phenotypically female, but you have no cytological equipment (i.e. you can't direclty look at the chromosomes). What kitten colors (with respect to orange, calico, and black) would you look for in one specific color cross?

Answer: I would check to see if it had a vagina.

Here is an article by F.R. Braid in tribute to Tatay Rando.

My sister Lydia; Rando R. Clemente
By Florangel Rosario Braid

LYDIA was our "bunso" — the third among us sisters of which I am the oldest. She passed away last June 15 in Sparks, Nevada at age 70, after a lingering illness. We (my sister Lynn Alberto and I) were scheduled to visit her later this month but had to advance our travel after a call came saying she had passed on. I felt a sense of guilt for not having been able to visit her earlier. There were of course monthly telephone calls which was a poor substitute for physical presence.

Anyway, we arrived in time for the wake and funeral service where we met all her six children and 10 grandchildren who came from all over nearby states, friends and members of the Filipino community. It was a meaningful memorial service — brief and moving, as the children recalled the legacy of their mom. Lydia did not go through much academic experience but she had innate intelligence and a great deal of insight. She shared her talents in fortune-telling and cooking with friends and neighbors, says her son who likened her to Lydia of the Bible, a dealer in purple cloth and one of the early converts of Paul. Anecdotes were shared about how she had touched people around her. Two sons played the guitar and sang her favorite songs. Despite the sadness, we felt inspired at the sight of her children and their children who had successfully responded to challenges in their new environment with hard work, patience, and sacrifice. They have lived in the US for more than two decades now. We saw that kind of achievement orientation we have heard about children of the migrant Fil-Ams among their children and those of Dindo, Lynn’s eldest, who tackled demands of schooling and part-time work with energetic response and remarkable achievement orientation. Dindo works for the Hyatt hotel chain in LA. Our six-day visit ended in Monrovia where Joy, Lynn’s daughter and a former Toyota Philippines executive, lives with her hubby. Only last April, the entire Alberto clan had flown in from Manila for her wedding in Los Angeles.

Since we both have husbands who are not in the best of health, we are always in a hurry to return home. Upon arrival, we learned that two days earlier, Lynn’s son-in law, Rando Clemente died, following a heart attack while doing his regular treadmill exercise. Rando was 45. During the several wakes and tributes for Rando given by classmates and friends from La Salle (where he was member of Kundirana) and UP, we learned about the regard many people have for him — that he indeed is a most caring, thoughtful friend. We knew this as we were part of his extended family but what we did not know was that he spent quality time with out-of-school children in Barangay Blue Ridge using the medium of guitar music. Despite his heavy work load (he is an ICT entrepreneur and from what I gathered from his colleagues, one of the two most competent "outsourcing specialists"), he gave priority to the needs of his wife, Mayette and family. Now we understand why Rando was a man in a hurry. He wanted to compress all the tasks he needed to do in such a short time.

Learning about all that was said about him, I am sure he died because he had overextended himself. His heart, a big one as it had so much compassion for others, may have given up. Rando, we say goodbye for now. We shall miss your guitar playing — your duets with Mayette, your laughter, and zest for life. To the three children — Geline, Buboy, and Carlo, Mayette, Kumpare Sixto and Rando’s sisters and brothers, may this quote from Tagore inspire you: "For those of us who believe, death is not the dying of the light. It is the lamp of life turned off at the coming of the dawn."

My e-mail is florbraid@yahoo.com

He vs. She

Here are more "cut and pasted" collections... :-)
-----
How The Company Views Its Employees

The family picture is on HIS desk.
Ah, a solid, responsible family man.
The family picture is on HER desk.
Umm, her family will come before her career.

HIS desk is cluttered.
He's obviously a hard worker and a busy man.
HER desk is cluttered.
She's obviously a disorganised scatterbrain

HE is talking with his co-workers.
He must be discussing the latest deal.
SHE is talking with her co-workers.
She must be gossiping.

HE's not at his desk.
He must be at a meeting.
SHE's not at her desk.
She must be in the ladies' room.

HE's not in the office.
He's meeting with customers.
SHE's not in the office.
She must be out shopping.

HE's having lunch with the boss.
He's on his way up.
SHE's having lunch with the boss.
They must be having an affair.

The boss criticised HIM.
He'll improve his performance.
The boss criticized HER.
She'll be very upset.

HE got an unfair deal.
Did he get angry?
SHE got an unfair deal.
Did she cry?

HE's getting married.
He'll get more settled.
SHE's getting married.
She'll get pregnant and leave.

HE's having a baby.
He'll need a raise.
SHE's having a baby.
She'll cost the company money in maternity benefits.

HE's going on a business trip.
It's good for his career.
SHE's going on a business trip.
What does her husband say?

HE's leaving for a better job.
He knows how to recognize a good opportunity.
SHE's leaving for a better job.
Women are not dependable.

-----

ADVICE FOR WOMEN

1. Don't imagine you can change a man unless he's in diapers.
2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.
3. If they put a man on the moon -- they should be able to put them all up there.
4. Never let your man's mind wander -- it's too little to be out alone.
5. Go for younger men. You might as well, they never mature anyway.
6. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.
7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
8. Women don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.
10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.
15. Sadly, all men are created equal.

OFFICE DYNAMICS

Cut and pasted...
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IBA'T IBANG KLASENG KA-OPISINA (SAN KAYO NAGUGRUPO?)

Sa mata ng isang boss, may isang dosenang klase lang ng empleyado.

CLOWNS - ang official kenkoy ng office. May mga one-liner na gumigising sa lahat kapag nagkakaantukan na. Sabi ng ilang boss, eto raw yung mga KSP sa office na dahil hindi naman matalino, o kadalasang matalino na tamad lang, eh dinadaan na lang sa patawa ang pagpapapansin. Pero aaminin ko, walang opisinang walang ganito, at kung meron man, magigigng malaking sakripisyo ang pagpasok sa work araw-araw.

GEEKS - mga taong walang pakialam sa mundo. Papel, boss, at computer lang ang iniintindi. Kahit na mainit na ang ulo ng boss at bad trip, ang mga geeks ang walang takot na lumalapit sa boss at nagtatanong kung mag-iiba ang result ng entry kung isa-substitute ang value ng debit sa credit.

HOLLOW MAN - may 2 uri ng H.M. virus, ang Type A at Type B. Ang type A ay ang empleyado na madalas na invisible sa office, bakante ang upuan, madalas absent. Ang type B naman ang pumapasok sa office bagamat present eh inivisible naman ang work, at hollow ang utak.

SPICE GIRLS - barkadahan ng mga magkaka-ibigang babae mahilig gumimik, sabay-sabay pero laging late na pumapasok. Madalas na may hawak na hairbrush at songhits [ngiyeh! how jologs!-gbs]. Pag pinagawan mo ng group works, sila ang madalas na magkaka-grupo.

DA GWAPINGS - ang male counterpart ng Spice Girls, isinilang para magpa-cute. Konti lang ang members nito, 2-3 lang para mas pansin ang bawat isa. Tulad ng Spice Girls, kadalasang puro Hair Gel lang ang laman ng utak ng mga Da Gwapings.

CELEBRITIES - Politicians, Athletes, Performers. Politician ang mga palaban na empleyado na mas nag-aalala pa sa kalagayan ng kompanya at mga kapwa empleyado kesa sa performance. Athletes ang ilang 'varsitarians' na kung gaano kabilis pumasok eh ganon kabagal mag-work. Performers naman ang mga empleyado na kaya lang yata pumapasok eh para makasayaw, kumanta, at makatula sa stage kapag organizational day. Sa pangkalahatan, ang mga celebs ay matindi ang PR, pero mababa ang IQ.

GUINESS - mga record holders pagdating sa persistence. Pilit pinupunan ang mga kakulangan sa katalinuhan. Sila ang mga kadalasang nagtatagumpay sa buhay. Masinop sa work. Mabilis mag-work, kahit na laging mali.

LEATHER GOODS - mga empleyadong maling uri ng determinasyon meron. Laging determinado ang mga ito sa harapang pangungupit, bulgarang pandaraya, at palagiang pagpapalapad ng papel sa boss. Talo ang mga buwaya sa pakapalan.

WEIRDOS - mga problematic employee, isunderstood daw, kadalasang tinatawag na black sheep ng office. May kanya-kanya silang katangian, konti ang kaibigan, madalas mapaaway, mababa ang evaluation, at boss's enemy.

MGA ANAK NI RIZAL - Ang mga Endangered Species kumbaga. Straight 'A' employees pero well rounded at hindi geeks. Boss's pet pero hindi sipsip. Busy sa work pero may oras pa rin sa extra-curricular activities, at gimiks.. Hanep!

BOB ONGS - Mga medjo matino na may sayad...

COMMONERS - mga generic na member ng class. Kulang sa individuality, at katangiang umuukit sa isipan. Hindi sila agad napapansin ng boss pag absent, at sa paglipas ng panahon, sila ang mga taong nakakalimutan ng mga boss at co-employees nila.

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MORE MANAGEMENT LESSONS

STORY 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a lion is sitting outside his
cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm. But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your great claws will only destroy it even more"
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed".

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.
Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV"
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A SUPERVISOR IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

In the context of the working world: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."

"The only thing that stands between a man and what he wants from life is often merely the will to try it and the faith to believe that it is possible."

-----

STORY 2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest, and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm. What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool know that rabbits don't eat foxes!"
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After a few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.

Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "You don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit:"No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow, and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to type.

Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?"

Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd!
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHO YOU HAVE FOR A SUPERVISOR.

In the context of the working world: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU.

The Battle of the Brainless

Host: What "N" (narra) is the national tree of thePhilippines?
Contestant: Niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan.
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!


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Host: Saan "B" (Bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: Sa back?
Host: O sige, puwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L"(Luneta).
Contestant: Likod?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng modern name nito (Rizal Park). Contestant: Rear Part? (Sus me! Likod pa rin yun!)


-----
Host: Saan "B" (beach) tayo madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hindi, pag pumunta ka doon, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hindi, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng naka-bikini.
Contestant: Beerhouse!


-----
Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard) ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod? Contestant: Lifebuoy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon ang pangalan nito.
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host: Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant : Safe Buoy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Ah, Mr. Clean!


-----
Host: Anong "S" (Salbabida) ang ginagamit na flotation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod? Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hindi! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?


-----
Host: What "S" (Sampaguita) is the national flower of the Philippines?
Contestant: Sunflower?
Host: Hindi. Bin ebenta ito sa kalye.
Contestant: Stork?
Host: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak?
Host: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A".
Contestant: Sitsarong bulaklak na may suka?
Host: Oh, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa! Anong pangalan ng bulaklak nanagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A", at kapangalan ng isang sikat na singer?Contestant: Si...Sharon Cuneta!


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Host: Sino ang kauna-unahang Chess G randmaster (Eugene Torre) of Asia?
Contestant: Carole KING?
Host: Hindi, mas ma baba sa king.
Contestant: Al QUINN?
Host: Hindi, tagalog ang apelyido niya.
Contestant: Armida Siguion-REYNA?
Host: Hindi pa rin. Mas mababa sa reyna.
Contestant: BISHOP Bacani?
Host: Mas mababa sa bishop.
Contestant: Johnny MidNIGHT?
Host: Mas mababa sa Knight.
Contestant: Jerry PONS?
Host: Oh, ay!an na, nabanggit mo na lahat ng piyesasa Chess. Yung kahuli-hulihang piyesa na lang.
Contestant: Sylvia laTORRE!


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Host: Sino ang national hero na naka-picture sa 500 Peso bill? Clue, may initials na N.A. (Ninoy Aquin o)
Contestant: Nora Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Ang pangalan niya ay nage-end sa "Y".
Contestant: Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Dati siyang Senador.
Contestant: Si Former Senator Guy Aunor?
Host: Hindi. Patay na siya.
Contestant: ANO??!! P ATAY NA SI NORA AUNOR???!!!

-----
One more, dagdag:
Host: What "K" (kalabaw) is the national animal of the Philippines?
Contestant: Kuto?
Host: Hinde. Clue, it tills the land.
Contestant: Kutong Lupa!

Meron nito sa House... :-)

Assorted funny stuff

1. Losing all your friends
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed . He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."

2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother".... Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!" Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

4. Importance of a period
Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."

5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"

6. Anger management?
Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?" Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush

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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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7 degrees of Blonde

`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that 's easy: W."

`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:
FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"

`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:-,_,.-:*`*:-.,_,.-:*`*:
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do?They send me a BLIND policeman."

Vandalism ng mga Iskolar ng Bayan

mga vandal sa UP at syempre, may matyagang nagcompile:

FA (Fine Arts):
"nobody cares"
may sumagot:
"not even the carebears?"
may sumagot ulit:
"not even kier"
t'as:
"Not even Zoren?"
eto last na:
"not even Zoro?"
(all written by different people) - dapat kasama si Dacos dito.. Dacos of all Zorros.

AS (arts and sciences building)
AS chairs:
"push button to eject seatmate"
"push button to eject urself"
"push button to kill teacher" (masamang nilalang haha)
"push button to eject teacher"
.... tas may nag reply:
"it's jammed! we're doomed!"

AS Chair:
"you know bobo? bobo is you!"

AS 1st floor CR:
"if you porget the past then you porget the purious"

AS 1st floor CR ulit:
"Im a simple gay"
t'as may sumagot:
"sira! Dapat i'm simple and i'm gay! Taga peyups ka ba?"
t'as may sumagot ulit with matching arrow na nakaturo dun sa reply:
"sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective tapos yung gay is used as a noun. kaya ok lang yung simple gay niya!"

Chem
Chem Chair:
"You boron!"

BIO
Bio chair:
"push cadaver to haunt teacher"

FO Santos ( san yun?)
"SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO......... bawal"

GAB (san din yun?)
sa likod ng isang chair:
"takas ng ward 7"

Math
sa cr sa math bldg:
"SUMAPI SA NPA!"
may sumagot
"PAANO"
me sumagot pa:
"MAGFILL UP NG COUPON AT IHULOG SA PINAKAMALAPIT NA DROPBOX SA SUKING TINDAHAN!!"

sa math, sa likod ng isang teacher's chair sa 3rd floor:
"BABALA: asawa ni babalu"

sa math 3rd floor, isang upuan ulit:
"you'll never find what you're looking for"
may nag reply:
"find x"

sa math 3rd floor, sa isa nanamang upuan ulit, nakasulat sa arm chair:
"F$%# DA WORLD!"
tas may sumagot:
"F$%# U TOO!"
-WORLD-

3rd floor math cr:
"kabigan, pagkatapos mo umihi, paki PLUS mo naman, hehehe"

UPIS ( UP integrated school)
sa music room:
"maam_____(music prof, sino kaya?) boses palaka!"
may sumagot:
"nakarinig ka naba ng boses palaka?"
may sumagot ulit:
"weh!"
may sumagot pa ulit:
"oo, sabi Kokak! kokak!"

Vinzons:
sa pader:
"do not steal, the gov't hates competition"

men's cr sa vinzons:
"remember: the hands that clean this toilet are the hands that cook your food"

NIGS
sa isang upuan:
"f$%# nigs!"
may nag reply:
"who's nigs?"
(di pa kilala kasi, dapat may nagdagdag dito.. NIGS ZUBIRI? ngweh)

MAIN LIB
sa isang mesa sa filipininana section sa main lib:
"UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
t'as may nagreply:
"mali pang grammar at spelling mo! halatang di ka taga UP!"

AS waiting shed:
Ad from a korean:
"I need a english tutor"
may nagdagdag:
"badly"

Mga SALAWIKAIN at iba pang salita na gawa either sa Yakal, Narra, Molave, Kalayaan, at iba pang dormitoryo (collectively known as the Alliance of Concerned Dormitories hehe):

- Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa pinanggalingan ay hindi madadapa!

- Ang hindi marunong lumangoy ay malulunod! (Jed, Jolette at Rey sa Yakal)

- D.I.E.G.O. (Democratic Initiative to Eliminate Gabriela Organization)

- KAD-Youth (Kapatiran ng mga Anak ni Diego - Youth)

- Baskod! (mga babaeng nakaupo sa sahig sa dorm, labas ng classroom o sa me CASAA na labas ang panty sa likod.)

-

Assorted Patawa: Family - Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, Son, at iba pa... kasama pa si Inday

NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang bilangin?
ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay,kasi narinig ko minsansabi, "tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."

Letter to OFW dad:"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag kana padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tloyang umubos."

MISTER: ano ang pagkain natin?
MISIS: nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!
MISTER: isang pirasong tuyo?ano pagpipilian ko?
MISIS: pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!

IDD call from US:
HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?
WIFE: dept store na!
H: ang tuba-an?
W: KTV bar na!
H: and mga trickad?
W: taxi na!
H: ang dalawa kong anak?
W: LIMA na!

A SAD STORY:a little boy was so jealous of his new born brother...so he put poison on d nipple of his mother, the nextday.. their driver died.

MR: DARLING, pag ulo lang daw ipapasok magigingPRESIDENTE daw anak natin.
MRS: putaragis, di bale ng BARANGAY TANOD basta ilubog pati itlog!

Mister: Kung gagawa ako ng pelikula, gusto ko, ako si ZORRO!
Misis: Eh ako, sino?
Mister: Si DACOS!
Misis: Dacos? Sino 'yun!
Mister: DA COS of all my ZORROs!

Ama: Kumusta ang pag-aaral mo?
Anak: Nag-lesson at test po kami tungkol sa mga manok.
Ama: Ano, madali ba?
Anak: Chicken na chicken!
Ama: Anong grade mo?
Anak: Itlog po.

Man's life cycle....
3 to 8 years old - Paramihan ng toys
9 to 18 years old - Pataasan ng grades.
19 to 25 - Padamihan ng siyota.
26 to 35 - Pagandahan ng asawa.
36 to 45 - Palakihan ng income.
46 to 55 - Padamihan ng kabit.
56 and after - Padamihan ng sakit.

Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo. Bigay ba ni Daddy 'yan?
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa,baka pati ikaw wala sa mundong ito.

Theme song of married couples....
1 to 10 years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
11 to 25 years - Saan ka man naroon
26 to 49 years - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
50 years and up - Maalaala mo kaya

Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? ("May bahay")
Ano naman ang kabit? ("May condo")

APO : Lolo, nagse-sex pa ba kayo ni Lola?
LOLO: Oo, pero "Oral" na lang. Pag-higa ko sa tabiniya, sinasabi ko "F_ _k you" at sumasagot siya ng,"F_ _k you too."

At their honeymoon:
60-yr old Pastor to his young bride: "Honey, before wedo it, let's first pray for guidance."
Young bride:"Darling, just pray for endurance, I'll take care ofthe guidance!"

Advantage at disadvantage ng may-asawa...
ADVANTAGE: 'Pag kailangan mo, nandiyan agad.
DISADVANTAGE: 'Pag ayaw mo na, andiyan pa rin!

What is the difference between a girlfriend, a call girl and a wife?
Sagot: Post paid, pre paid, unlimited.

Anak: Itay, nagpapatanong si ma'am kung ano raw ang propesyon mo.
Itay: Sabihin mo, cardiologist.
Anak: Ano po ba ang cardiologist, Itay?
Itay: 'Yung tagaayos ng radio sa car!

Umuwi si mister nang 4:00 AM at nakita niya ang kanyang misis na may katalik na lalaki sa kama...
Misis: (sumigaw) SAAN KA GALING?!
Mister: Sino 'yang katabi mo?
Misis: GRABE KA! HUWAG MONG IBAHIN ANG USAPAN!

Couple talking:

wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas. husband : hello!? electrician ba ako? wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin. husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako? umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho. wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake. husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake? wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!

ANG MARRIED LIFE.... May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am.Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng:'HWAG KA BYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!'

Husband: 'Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!' Wife: 'Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!' Husband: 'Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!' Wife: 'Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!'

Sa harap ng nursery window; Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay? Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her. Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this? Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Friend: 'Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!' Husband: 'Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!' Friend: 'Surprise? Ano occassion?' Husband: 'Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!'

WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour! HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah? WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MONA!!!

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon. HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya 'GO TO HELL', kaya ito uwi agad ako..

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love. Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.

Nay? bakit po VICTORIA ang name ni ate? Kasi anak dun namin siya ginawa ng itay mo... Eh bakit si kuya, ANITO? Ay, tumigil ka na nga Luneta at baka mapalo kita! tawagin mo na si kuya FX mo!

HONEYMOON:

Wife: Hon wag mo ako bibiglain ha? I'm still a virgin Husband: You mean ako ang una? Wife: Yes, do it na Husband: I did it na, kanina pa!! Wife: ah ganon ba? Aray pala

Ama: Buntis anak ko, panagutan mo! BF: May asawa na po ako! Ama: Pano 'to? BF: Areglo na lang po... 2 M pag Boy, 2.5M pag Girl Ama: Ok, pero pag nakunan. GIB HER ANADER CHANS ha?

Wife: Dear, ano regalo mo sa 25th Anniversary natin? Husband: Dalhin kita sa Africa... Wife: Wow! How sweet naman... eh! sa 50th Anniversary natin? Husband: Susunduin na kita!

Maid: Sir sinong mas yummy? si mam ba o ako? Sir: Syempre naman ikaw day! bakit? Maid: Naguguluhan lang po kasi ako eh... sabi kasi ng driver, eh masyummy daw talaga si mam!

Mister: Di ko na kaya problema ko! Misis: Hon, problema natin ito, tayo ang magkasama sa buhay, lahat ngproblema mo problema ko... ano problema natin? Mister: nabuntis natin si Inday, tayo ang ama!

Anak: Itay, bibili ako ng band paper Itay: Anak, wag kang bobo ha? hindi "band paper" ang tawag dun! Anak: Ano po ba? Itay: "Kokongban"

Chinese on his deathbed...Akyen panganay, nandyan ba? Opo Akyen junior nandyan ba? Opo. Akyen asawa nandyan ba?Opo. Anak ng... lahat kayo nandito! ala tao sa tindahan!

Three girls make paalam to their Dad... Girl 1: Dad, I'm going out with Pete to Eat. Girl2: I'm going out with Lance to Dance. Girl3: I'm going out with Chuk to... Dad: Ah, Hinde! Dito ka lang sa bahay!!!

Farmer: lalaki na talaga ang aking anak kasi magsasaka na, "ano ang plano mong itanim sa sakahan mo anak?" Anak: flowers papa! lots of Bongacious Flowers!!

Ama: Hoy! Huwag kang babakla bakla ha? Anak: Hindi po Itay, pupunta nga ako ng basketbolan eh! Ama: Yan! Astig! Anak: Inay? nakita mo yung POMPOMS ko? Ina: Alin? yung pink?

Mommy 1: Ano ang pinapainom mo sa baby mo? Mommy2: Promil para Matatag na Pangarap! eh ikaw? Mommy3: Ako? Emperador, sa Totoong Tagumpay!

Pare 1: Pare, sa wakas nag ka GF na rin ako!! Pare 2: Bakit!?! Ngayon ka lang ba nagka GF? Pare 1: OO pare! sobrang higpit kasi ni Misis eh! Ngayon lang akonakalusot!

Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinalaNiya ang limang anak namin."Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!" Misis: " Honey, ibalik mo na ang mga bata, isa lang naman angsa Iyo diyan!"

Lasing (takot): may multo sa banyo natin! Wife: ha? Bakit? Lasing: kasi bumubukas yung ilaw pag papasok ako ng banyo eh. Wife: punyeta ka! ikaw pala umiihi sa ref!

ATE: Musta date mo sis? Epektib ba payo ko, siling labuyo sa nipples mo para di ka galawin ng bf mo? SIS: Hay naku Ate, palpak! Ginanahan pa lalo, bicolano pala!

MISIS: Dear, iligaw mo nga tong pusa. Nakasako na. Dalhin mo sa malayo! MISTER: Ok! MISIS: Bakit ka ginabi? Niligaw mo ba ang pusa? MISTER: Bwisit na pusang yan! Kundi ko siyasinundan, di ako nakauwi!

Husband: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyon ko bukas, ikaw na bahala sa ating mga anak. I love you.... Wife: He! Tumigil ka nga! Wala pang namamatay sa TULI!

Misis: lolokohin ko mister ko, magpapanggap ako na prosti dito sa kanto namin (dumaan ang mister nya...) Misis: Pogi! available ako ngayon, pwede ka ba? Mister: Yoko sayo kamukha mo misis ko!

Misis: " Sir, mananawagan po sana ako sa mister ko kasi dinala niya ang limang anak namin."
Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"
Misis: Badong, ito si Nene. Umuwi ka na. Ibalik mo na ang mga bata. Isa lang naman ang sa iyo diyan!"

TATAY: Bagsak ka na nman! Ba't di mo gayahin si Pedro?Palaging may honor.
ANAK:Unfair naman kung ikumpara nyo ako kay Pedro.
TATAY: Bakit naman?
ANAK: Matalino tatay nun!

Assorted Patawa - Simbahan.. Patawad, Father

A childless wife asked advice how to get pregnant.
BISHOP: Did u try praying?
WIFE: Yes nothing happened.
BISHOP: Rosary?
WIFE: Nightly.
BISHOP: Then try one of our "Fathers".

Young lady to the new parish priest:
LADY: Father, ang cute mo, bakit pumayag kang magpari?
PRIEST: Ayaw kasi pumayag ni mama na mag-MADRE ako!

Sa seminario:
Madre: "Father, pagsabihan mo naman yung mgaseminarista. Umiihi sila sa pader!"
Father: "Sister naman. Maliit na bagay, huwag mo nangpansinin!"Madre: "Naku, Father, malalaki po!"

Cardinal Sin's wish when he dies is to have Erap and Jinggoy on his side.
Erap: We're honored but why us?
Sin: I want to die like Christ, with thieves on both sides.

Thou Shall Not Judge a Book By Its Cover ……………(Rerun)

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked,"Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath."

"Well, I'll be darned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does".

Parishioner:Father, bakit may nakasampay na daster, bra at panty sa may kumbento? may asawa ka?
Father: Kung aasa ako sa mga donasyon nyo, di ako mabubuhay! Tumatanggap ako ng labada!

Nun: I was raped... what shall i do?
Mother Superior: Here, take this calamansi.
Nun: Will this ease the pain?
Mother Superior: Sipsipin mo! Para mawala ang ngiti sa mukha mo, Gaga!!!

MADRE: Ano ang apelyido mo, iho?
SAKRISTAN: Alam nyo na ho yun sister, lagi nyo po yun hinahawakan.
MADRE: Susmaryosep! Bayag ba ang apelyido mo?!
SAKRISTAN: Sister naman, Rosario po.

PARI: Ang gustong magbigay ng donasyon sa simbahan, TUMAYO pagtugtog ng organ. Sige iho, tugtog na.
ORGANISTA: Ano po ang tutugtugin?
PARI: Pambansang awit, iho.

Quiapo Church:
MRS: Lord, bigyan ninyo ako ng P1,000 kasi anak ko na sa ospital.(Narinig ng pulis, naawa, binigyan ng P500.)
MRS: Lord, next time huwag niyong ipadaansa pulis, Nabawasan agad.

Eto closing....

Aaylenay, Olinay, Olisam, Olismray, Ranyonmergin, Manerenchay,
Oliimansotennernmay, Sliminemenlimis, Sliminemenlimis,

"Silent Night" ng ngongo, try mo.

Mga Hinanakit

Share lang uli.. sa mga hindi pa nakabasa nito. Gusto ko yung reklamo ng Panty :-)


"Bakit ba pati ako, binibigyan nyo ng malisya?Ano ba ang kasalanan ko?!"
- Talong

"Hindi lahat ng malakas, super hero!"
- Putok

"Paano tayo makakabuo kung hindi ako papatong sa iyo?"
- Lego

"Halika, bigyan mo pa ako ng init. Kailangan kong pumutok para ako'y iyong matikman at ika'y masarapan. Ayan na! Puputok na! Humanda ka!"
- Popcorn

"Kahit papaano, gusto ko din ng exposure!"
- Singit

"Hindi ko hinahangad na ipagmalaki mo na ako'y sa iyo. Ayoko langnaman na sa harap ng maraming tao, ganun mo na lang ako itanggi!"
- Utot

"Hindi lahat ng hinog ay matamis!"
- Pigsa

"Kapag ang katawan mo'y nag-iinit, lagi na lang ako ang hinahanap mo. Maya't maya mo akong ginagamit at pinapagod. Hindi ka na naawa!"
- Aircon

"Pagod na akong humawak ng balls mo! Pagod narin ako sa pagbihis-hubad mo sa akin. Malapit na naman ulit! Ayoko na!!!"
- Christmas Tree.

"I ikspik that it will be a long payt, a good payt, But you know, I didn't ikspik. Tinks por da God, you know, and tinks por ol da pelepeno pipol!"
- Manny Pacquiao.

"You never even thank me for making you happy, then you throw me awayjust like that. I hate you for using me, for making my life full of shit!"
- Tissue

"Hindi llahat ng kulot, salot!"
- Golddilocks

"Hindi lahat ng bubuyog, kulay itim!"
- Jollibee

"Alam kong sa tingin mo, masaya ako! Pero bakit kayo ganyan?! Sa tuwing wala na kayong masabi, ako na lang ang ginagamit nyo! Pagod na pagod ako sa pagngiti!"
- Smiley

"You can cry all you want, you could always blame me. You said, it wasn't fair that you just want life to be better. But remember, it's all your fault! You stabbed me with a knife!"
- Sibuyas

"Isubo mo ang kahabaan ko. Dilaan. Sipsipin. Paglaruan sa bibig mo. Para lumabas ang katas ko na kinasabikan mo. Nag mamahal,"
- Ice Candy

"Bakit ayaw nyo pa rin sa akin kahit sosyal at maganda ako? Dahil ba mas sweet ang iba?".
- Fruitcake

"Panakip butas mo lang pala ako!".
- Panty

"Pinapaikot mo lang ako! Nagsasawa na ako. Mabuti pang patayin mo na lang ako".
- Electric fan

"Hindi lahat na walang salawal ay bastos!"
- winnie d' pooh

"Alam mo ba wala akong ibang hinangad kundi ang mapalapit sa iyo. Pero patuloy ang pag-iwas mo".
- ipis

"Hala! sige magpakasasa ka! Alam ko namang katawan ko lang ang habol mo."
-hipon

"Ayoko na! Pag nagmamahal ako, lagi na lang maraming tao ang nagagalit! Wala ba akong karapatang magmahal?!"
-Gasolina

"Sawang-sawa na ako, palagi na lang akong pinagpapasa-pasahan, pagod na pagod na ako."
- Bola

"Ginawa ko naman lahat para sumaya ka, mahirap ka ba talagang makontento sa isa? Bakit palipat-lipat ka?
- TV

"Hindi lahat ng maasim may vitamin C"
-kili kili

"Pilitin mo man na alisin ako sa buhay mo, babalik at babalik ako!
-Libag

"Anung kasalanan ko sa iyo, iniwan mo na lang akong duguan..."
-Sanitary Napkin

"Hwag mo na akong bilugin.."
-kulangot

"Bwisit na buhay ito! Araw-araw na lang, itlog! Umaga, tanghali, gabi, itlog! Itlog! Itlog! Lagi na lang itlog!"
-Brief

"Sige, kalimutan mo ako para malaman ng iba ang baho mo!
-deodorant

"Ako lang ang makakapagpadugo ng ilong ni Manny Pacquiao!"
- English

"Hindi totoong anak ko si Bakekang! At lalong hindi ko kapatid si Mike Enriquez! Kaya pwede ba, tigilan na ang tsismis na yan!"
- Shrek

911 Calls... Real? :-P

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks,why?

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Hi, is this the police?
Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one. Fire or emergency?
Called: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering.....does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and....well.... do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Disipatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the police.

One Liners..

When I was born, I got a choice - A big dick or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what did I choose.
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My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.
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Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
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There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop, unless they are used together.
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Panties are not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.
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There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
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Virginity can be cured.
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Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
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I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
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Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
- ---------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
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A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing...
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Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
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Teacher: Use "harassment" in a sentence.
Johnny: Her mouth said 'no', but her ass meant 'yes'.
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Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps with everyone except you.
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Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact ?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
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Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many menstill sleep with their wives !!!
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JOKE TIME

While cleaning up an older e-mail, I came across collections forwarded anecdotes, quotations, jokes and what-nots. I forwarded several to some friends and reactions were positive, mostly funny.

Since these e-mails are immortal (time passes but they are still funny, applicable still to our daily lives and full of learning), what better way to preserve it than to put it in the blog.

"The most wasted of all days is that on which one has not laughed.Laughter releases one's mind from depression and turns it toward goals, dreams, and triumphs."
- Anonymous
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Some English songs.. syempre pa .. with their tagalog translations

Imagine - Mantakin Mo
Bluer Than Blue - Malapit Na Sa Hukay
Tonight's The Night - Patay Kang Bata Ka
Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas!
Power of Love - Buntis
Three Times a Lady - Super Bakla
More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)
Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayon
Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga
You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan, Tanga!
Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan
Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan Mo Ako Sa Umaga
Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit
Got To Believe In Magic - Walang Himala
Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim ang Puso
King & Queen Of Hearts - Tong-it Na Ko Sa Jack
Wind Beneath My Wings - Hengin Sa Ilelim Ng Eking P_kp_k
Baby One More Time - Isa Pa, Masarap Eh!
Macho Man - Walang Ganyan Sa Opis
Pretty Woman - Walang Pa Ring Ganyan Sa Opis
How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim Yang Sayo

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Filipinos' interpretation of some English words (and I really wonder what Webster would say...)

1) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
2) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
3) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
4) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
5) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
6) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
7) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
8) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
9) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; Pagkatapos ng 6
18) Cattle - Doon nakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DELUSION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. "Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian."
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet.
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod (see also No. 22 hehe)
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay...

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French Class

city- ce vou
drugs- sha vou
goodbye- va vou
bald- cal vou
caught in the act- na vou cou
feathers- valahe vou
not clear- mala vou
sink- lava vou
erap- vou vou

GERMAN LANGUAGE

CHOCOLATE - VAN HAUGHT
BABAE - ALANG HAUGHTEN
BUNTIS - DAHIL SA HAUGHTEN
NAKAPANGANAK NA - BALIK HAUGHTEN